You shouldn't have left your toothbrush in my medicine cabinet
You shouldn't have called me your girlfriend
You shouldn't have introduced me to all your coworkers
You shouldn't have added photos of me - of us - to your social media accounts
You shouldn't have sent me all those cat pictures
You shouldn't have brought me back coffee that time that you went to New York and scratched out the label and renamed it Bedazzled Blend
You shouldn't have been open to meeting my family
We shouldn't have taken those trips
You shouldn't have lit candles, poured champagne, and cooked me pad thai that day I worked too long
This is why I was in love with you.
This is why I thought you could love me too.
For future reference:
It wasn't a joke to me. It wasn't wasting time. It wasn't biding time. It wasn't playing house. It wasn't pretend love. It wasn't a prelude to real life. It wasn't a fun idea. It wasn't a what if.
It was my life. It was our life. I thought it was the beginning. I thought all of those small things added up to a beginning. I thought that was how it went, I thought it was small things like that and they added up to Something Big, something that words might not be able to capture.
But words capture it now: I wish you hadn't. I wish we hadn't met. I wish I hadn't been just some other experience you needed to check off your goddamn list.
