The less I say the more I say

I don't have to convince myself. I don't have to tell myself. I don't have to think that if I give it time, if we just have time to get to know each other, if I learn to give up vodka, if I think it through, I will want this.

I don't want this.

I don't want your authority or your money or your scene. I want your friendship.

And you? You, Doctor, who is thousands of miles away? You? I want you. We had a shelf life and now we're honest but it's honesty that I don't know, that I've never had, and probably it's because you're far away and we had a shelf life -and because it's tortured. But maybe it's also serving the purpose of telling me, of letting me know: I shouldn't have to tell myself.