This is the point in every relationship, non-relationship (you know the drill) that I have in which I cheat. I wander off, I deviate, just to make myself feel in control. I want to be in control. And it really feels like he has the upper hand here. I feel alone. It's not his fault.
I mean. It's not him. It's me.
But I get bitter and jealous when he spends time with his friends. Because I don't have any of my own in Chicago. It feels unfair, and I feel like a child all of the time, constantly thinking life isn't playing by my rules.
The problem is [or mostly isn't]: I can't cheat. I wouldn't dream of cheating.
Dammit!
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