Excuse all these italics in advance

Why can't I be a little vulnerable? Why can't I just hope that maybe he feels the same? Why do I have to tell myself that its not a big deal, that its okay, act flippant, act like I don't care? Tell myself I will not wonder what might have been? Could it just be that I'm vulnerable (but just for a second)? Can I just like someone? And hope to hell that maybe he feels exactly the same way?