Going in circles

I'm not so sure what I'm doing here. Trying to prove here. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just reaffirming my patterns, going in circles, missing him so much and now chastising myself for all my indiscretions.

Why do I do this? I'm sitting here, miserable, thinking about all the ways I put myself into situations and then act the way I do: I'm the victim, I can't sleep, I miss him, why would I create a love triangle? Why would I fulfill this prophecy? Why am I writing in circles?

I thought I was learning to live without him. I thought I was learning to not miss him. I thought I could just change my behavior, my patterns, and therefore, my feelings. I thought I was doing it.

I didn't. I'm not.

I still miss him.