I wish you would've put yourself in my suitcase

It's his bad habits that I'm thinking about, that I know I could never actually live with. He keeps the blinds drawn, doesn't want to see the light of day. Doesn't exercise. Smokes cigarettes from a green box. Has a drinking problem. He won't talk to me.

But I'm sitting here listening to this song that reminds me of him. On repeat. I've lost track of how many times I've heard it.

He is a thousand miles away. He isn't talking to me. He's opinionated to the point of arrogance at times. The way he would look at me. How I could never get close enough to him. Smiling all the time. All my favorite parts of him: his bottom rib, his jawline, his walk. I've run out of reasons why this won't work. It won't work.

I shouldn't have to talk myself out of it.