Everything and more or less

I keep forgetting that I am still interesting and desirable outside of my relationship. This thing has put some kind of weird curse on me to make me feel insecure and scared. What is that? Is that just my deep-seated fear of rejection by someone I love?

Perhaps.

But just taking a look around, I can see that I am still interesting, I am still attractive, I am still everything that I always was. Why has this relationship made me bipolar (no offense to all the current celebrities who have recently caught this disease)? Why am I either excessively happy or excessively sad? How does that add up? Why can't I feel like myself within this thing? Maybe it hasn't been marriage all along, maybe it's my identity, my feelings of insecurity within this. Something along the lines of not being able to see the forest for the trees? But me not being able to see myself anymore. Me not valuing myself anymore. Me not recognizing anything that I may have to offer outside of this.

I can't help but feel like my worth is somehow tied up in all of this, and I can't get beyond it.