Learning to regulate my emotions

I can't help but feel like I sound like a broken record.

I feel apathetic towards The Ex.

I am unsure about Mr. R.

I can't get over Chicago. I was spring cleaning and found my old keys and practically had a meltdown over my old mailbox key.

I keep wanting to stir the pot a little, but then feel exhausted at the idea of it all. I like my simple life, my regulated emotions, my not losing my mind wondering about a boy. I keep thinking I should maintain the status quo, keep it simple, don't get too attached, live how I want to without worrying about Someone Else.

I can't imagine getting too attached to Mr. R. But I think he is pretty attached, that I could hurt him. I like my orderly life, my things just so, making my own schedule and thinking only of myself. No compromise. I gave too much of myself to The Ex, and I get it, I can't keep blaming him for everything, but I gave him too much, I gave up too much of myself for the good of The Relationship, and I sure as hell am not doing that again.

I am going slowly. I am learning from my mistakes.