I'm not sure when he walked in, but he was there. I first noticed when he walked past me while I was seated a little too close to The Man I Am Dating. Still haven't given him a name. Mr. Reliable. Mr. Returns My Calls.
I had dinner then saw a movie with Mr. R last night, then we went out for a drink. We were sitting at the bar and I was getting sleepy, getting over it, when I saw someone cutting a figure very similar to The Virgin Bartender. I quietly lost my mind, continued listening to Mr. R. I kept tabs on him and found him sitting across the bar with a perfect view of me.
I couldn't look at him.
Could only know that he was there, that maybe he saw me, he had to see me this time, that I should do nothing but have a good time. And have a good time, I did. I was suddenly full of laughs, full of animated stories, full of a good time.
I'm countless dates in with Mr. R and I still wanted to make The Virgin Bartender jealous, still wanted him to want me, to see what he was missing out on, still wanting him to text me I see you.
He has real problems with intimacy, is emotionally cripple, is immature. I hate to say it, but he got to me. I can have dates with Mr. R all day and know that he can hold up his end of the conversation and is reliable and dependable and kind and all the things I want in a partner, but the chemistry just isn't the same. In a few months, if things continue as they are, it won't matter, because he is the kind of partner I want in the end. But that initial spark isn't the same, and I know that.
I can't say I feel it's a sacrifice.
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