Choosy

I was reading in the park today. I only had so much time before I had to meet a girlfriend for lunch when The Ex happened to text me something about a spot we both like.

One thing lead to another and then he was en route to meet me, and suddenly I wanted to put off my lunch thing, put off everything, sit on that park bench with The Ex and touch him just a little, feel like I was his again.

But it took him awhile, and by the time he arrived, I had to leave. So we hugged for a little too long, walked a couple blocks, hugged for a little too long again, and parted ways.

I sent him a message saying it was nice seeing him for five minutes and he responded with It was the best five minutes of my day. And again I ask you, is this something that I just get over? Am I wasting my twenties on a hopeless man? Will I continue to do this dance with him until another five years pass and then will I finally wake up? Or will I blame him for wasting more of my time? Because I know damn well he still doesn't have it together and I don't believe he will have it together - maybe ever. I know that not making a choice is still a choice - me not dating him but sometimes seeing him is a choice. It feels like the perfect balance of independence and intimacy that I currently want, but in the long run, this thing that doesn't feel like a choice is actually a choice to not pursue a healthy, new relationship.