Boy crazy

I am coming to terms with the fact that I have always been boy crazy. Always. I always envisioned any kind of future situation in terms of the man who would be in my life. I've always measured my happiness against who may love me one day.

Up until recently, every thought I had in relation to the future always centered around a man. Around meeting The One and life falling into place. Things would finally make sense, I would lose 10 lbs, live in a great, bustling city. The two of us would be a perfect blend of organized and unkempt, eloquent and then sometimes just leaving it unspoken; we'd be charismatic as well as a bit introverted.

Up until recently I kept thinking my "real life" would start later. Once I met said faceless man, life would begin.

Now all I want is to put it off. The One needs to stay far away right now; I've got shit to do. I want to go it alone, I want to be my own person, I want the life that I want, without compromising.