Kissing maybe kills

I went from cool to kinda sloppy drunk in about ten minutes.

He was talking and all I could think was how much I wish I could will myself to want to kiss him without feeling like I am betraying The Ex. Apparently I am not moving on, I'm moving on but not that quickly, what I thought was progress is actually backsliding, what I think is reality perhaps is not.

I am happy. I am over-the-top happy about everything aside from what this blog thrives on: the kissing. I miss the kissing and these days only one person will do: The Ex.

I shouldn't have kissed him last night for more reasons than the fact that now I equate kissing someone else with betrayal. I know his dating other people has nothing to do with me, in time, I will not care, I will let it go, I am good at that once I get my distance, but maybe Pandora's box has been cracked.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I meant to not do this.