The Doctor sent me a message yesterday, not entirely out of the blue, but it made me stop long enough to think. To re-think. How many times can I change my mind? How can I pin my future on one of two possibilities? How can I still think a man can change my life?
Well, a man did change my life. The Ex changed everything so profoundly that it's been this long and I'm still reeling.
But The Doctor. I have plans. I want to travel, and experience, and do things, and I fear getting caught up in the What If of The Doctor. We had such a fleeting amount of time before, all those years ago before he left for the west coast and I left for the midwest and now here we are, about to both be back where we began. I'm not all that sure it could really work, but I know that I felt differently about him, I know that we had something there but knew that we couldn't do a damn thing due to circumstances.
And who's to say he even wants something serious? He'll be just back in town, starting over, and I'm a total basket case. Who's to say I want something serious? Well. With him, I think I would. All those years ago I wasn't satisfied with casually dating him, and I doubt I would be now.
I don't want to fall in love again. There are too many ways to lose myself.
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