Beginning of the end of something

Now I get why I only date bartenders.

Because it's easy. I don't have to have my shit together because they certainly don't.

I'm having a drink with The Doctor on Friday. I knew this would happen but suddenly I'm scared shitless. To be crude. He is a doctor. And I've been flailing for far too long. I'm working it out, I know I'm aware and making progress and doing things to better myself, but I just don't feel like a "good catch" right now. I'm no longer looking for meaningless sex and have moved on to looking for Something Meaningful. And I want to bring something to the table, to be self-sufficient and content with my life. I don't need a man to make me happy, but I eventually want a partner that will add to my happiness, and three years ago the only reason it didn't work with The Doctor was because it couldn't - we met mere months before he moved to the west coast and I moved to the midwest.

And now we're back in the same city indefinitely and it might just be a drink on Friday, but it might be some new chapter of something and it scares me, because if he has his shit together and I have my shit together, then it might just work.