I told The Ex I could waste no more time.
Then we talked it to death for over an hour. And I don't know. We just can't do it. We are opening up things that were long ago over and I can't bear to feel that kind of pain again. I can't bear it. I can't put myself in that vulnerable position and just hope for the best, hope that this nothing doesn't add up to me getting crushed. Again.
It's such a tantalizing feeling - being wanted and remembering how it felt to wake up next to him and being in love - but I'm not in love with him anymore despite how much I love him in a general sense. I told him that I can't keep doing this to myself, I'm not old but I'm not getting younger, I want a stable life, not one filled with big ideas and lofty goals, but one with an equal partnership and moving forward.
It feels like another slow tear in my still very compromised heart.
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