Seriously?

I feel like I've just been re-initiated into third grade. This one, this new one, the one who ignores me as a way to tell me he likes me, he is new. And fleeting, as they always are. We kept getting into these intense conversations and then he would excuse himself and not come back. So I took that as a sign, a sign that he wasn't interested. But then we would find ourselves talking again, him clearly wanting to know more, situating himself near me, asking me specific questions. But then wandering off again.

And finally, it was late. I was tired. I was leaving. And as I was leaving, I found myself outside, in the dark, next to him. I couldn't help but think, Was this planned? Wondering if he had counted on this: this dark moment. And truthfully? Honestly? I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me and then I wanted to drive away in my car.

But he didn't. And I didn't. He gave me an awkward hug. And walked back up the steps into the house.

And I stood there.

And stood.

Then said, "Seriously?" after him. But he didn't hear me. So I got in my car. Felt foolish. Went to start it. Stopped. Tried to think of an excuse. Then thought, Fuck it. And got out of my car and walked up the stairs after him. But he wasn't there. And I didn't want to make an obvious inquiry. And then I really felt foolish. And so this time I really started my car and really drove away.