Red flagged

I'm not sure I would describe it as "growing," but in lieu of working myself into a frenzy about why a guy hasn't called, I called him. Well, I texted him. Something funny. And he texted me back. And we engaged in funny quipping. And I was pleased with this development, this not waiting, this positive result from taking action. It's time I stopped waiting around.

And then, he asked me to have a drink with him. And I had a drink with him, and I spent much of it thinking about how cute he is and how it didn't feel forced and how I wasn't sure it was a good idea but maybe it wasn't a bad idea either.

I was talking to a friend the other day about relationships, about how I realized that maybe I didn't waste all that time on The Ex in reality, because I felt different with him, and then my friend countered with the notion that when we feel different, we ignore the red flags. So now I'm wondering, now I'm thinking, now I don't know how to come at this. It's true, with The Ex it felt different, I felt different, and it made me stick around when all the red flags were there, when I was drowning and kept thinking, He will save me, it will be okay in the end. But it wasn't okay, he broke my heart, he ended our relationship on a dock in a park in a place I can never return. My entire life changed after that night, it hasn't been the same, it's going on four months and all I keep thinking is that it's gotta be getting better, right? Why do I have to keep reminding myself?

This new guy is a bartender, another bartender, one who does not appear to be a raging alcoholic but how would I know? I don't really want to date a career bartender, try to be a bartender's girlfriend, I know the kind of person I am, the kind of person I am capable of being while dating a bartender. The Ex was a bartender when he was actually employed. The Raging Alcoholic was a bartender. That is not the life I want. And he smelled like cigarettes. This clean cut guy met me smelling like cigarettes and suddenly I was worried this was a road I didn't want to take, but will my giddiness get the better of me?

He sent me a message from work the day after our date, our drinks, and he said Last night, super fun. And I practically fell all over myself, smiling like an idiot and unable to walk in a straight line suddenly. It's not a bad way to feel, but is it blinding me to the obvious red flags?