And then yesterday happened.
It's official: The Ex and I cannot be left alone together. We met for a late luunch yesterday which ended with us in a dark corner kissing like we were having an affair. It all feels like an affair with him anymore, clandestine meetings and not telling my friends and dating legitimate people but still sneaking around with him. Doing all the things I should and squeezing in this bizarre affair as well. We used to live together, there isn't any mystery left after five years, but because we know it's bad, that we can't make it work, it makes it that much more exciting.
But his personality drives me nuts.
But then the kissing starts and it's all over. My better judgment, my sense of awareness - all gone and suddenly it's just a chemical reaction.
I no longer thrive off of this. I mean, I guess I do, the sensational kissing, but I can't juggle all these men. Last night I was out to dinner with a girl friend and fielding messages from The Ex, The Raging Alcoholic, The Older Man, and The Doctor all at once. It's too much, I'm too old for this, I do not want this kind of life. It's exhausting.
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