I purposefully let a bobby pin at The Doctor's. I could call it an accident but let's get real. I left his house wondering if we could go anywhere, if we're slowly beginning something or if we're just killing time. I'm over killing time, but I'm also highly aware that kind of overt attitude probably won't do me any dating favors. So for now, I play it cool. And wait.
I got home from The Doctor's to find a message from The Ex that was just a heart and it makes mine break a little because it's true, it really is: I'm still in love with him. I thought I could see the bigger picture and I don't really want to be in a relationship with him right now as he stands, but he sent that message and all I wanted was to fall asleep pressed against him.
I'm officially digging myself into a hole and I'm not excited at the drama of it as I would have been a few years ago. I'm dating The Doctor because he is stable and trustworthy and polite and all the things I want in a man, and I will choose him down the road if it comes down to it because I know this. I can't be with The Ex. I am in love with The Ex still but I know in time, if I let myself, I can be in love with Someone Else.
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