Forward motion

It's heartbreakingly romantic I suppose.

The Ex called me and said he doesn't want me to fully close the door on us. That he knows it can't be right now. He knows we both have work to do separately.

This feels like more backward motion. Me thinking that we might work out in the future makes it impossible to move forward in the present. I gave him too much and now it's his, and I'm not waiting for him but I'm also back to frequent talks with him. He is still closer to me than anyone I know. He still understands me in ways that others don't. It's been almost a year. I keep reminding myself.

I don't have to remind myself to live this life any longer, I haven't for some time. But now it's coming on a year since he left Chicago and then I left Chicago to see him and then I left Chicago for good after he left me. I know I dwell on things that hurt but I still can't figure this out.

Does it all go in cycles? Will I not really move on until Someone Else Comes Along who gets me as much as he did? I worry it's all cyclical, it's all meaningless, that we're all interchangeable - will I get swept up in Someone Else and finally forget enough to officially move on?