Please please let me get what I want

It's becoming a thing. It went from not sure to he's coming to visit this weekend and it's a thing.

I'm not trying to overanalyze. But I need to be realistic.

We dated years ago, in Chicago. He moved cross country, near my hometown, last summer. He has a great job there, he loves his job. I got dumped. I got dumped and left Chicago because I couldn't bear to live there in that place without the man I loved most in the world. I came back to my hometown, and now we live in two separate states but only two hours apart. And we talk constantly. It's evolving and it doesn't scare me. The only reason we didn't work out was simply because things got serious with The Ex, a man I had known for years and knew I needed to give a shot.

I gave it a shot. We saw how that turned out.

So now here I am, back to the beginning with this man from years ago, and I wonder if he will hold that against me, the not choosing him. If I had just chosen him two years ago, where would I be right now? That thought hasn't escaped me.

If this keeps going like it is, how will it work? [Semi] long distance is probably best for me right now, what with my history of throwing every bit of myself into a codependent relationship. But would he always feel like I didn't choose him two years ago, would he hold that against me? Would I become a jealous nutcase like I did with The Ex? Was it just The Ex or do I need more time to feel better about myself?

Is it all too soon? It's only been three months, three months of me figuring things out, of feeling okay again, of learning to live. I need to give it the proper credit, mourn it all long enough, I do not want to rush into something new with baggage, with hang ups, with things that are all too fresh. I don't want to ruin a good thing simply because I rushed into it.