Things left unsaid

The next man lives anywhere. I could meet him here just as easily as I could meet him in Chicago.

It's beginning to feel all too interchangeable.

I keep thinking about how things may be re-starting with this guy from years ago. I keep thinking how The Bartender texted me today Find me a job and I'll come back for you and sure, he's joking, but why would he say that? He texted me from the airport today, after I told him off on Tuesday, after apparently he decided to leave on an extended vacation, and it all feels interchangeable. An ebb and flow of feelings, of relationships, of men to sleep with. I don't have any new men. I'm scared to death of meeting someone here, of being tethered here for too long, I can't stay here for too long.

So I'm recycling these men and it doesn't feel right, how easy it is. It makes me worry that it's never a done deal, it's a constant fight, there are always going to be things left unsaid.

I'm so fucking dramatic.