Torn

Yesterday The Ex said he had a question.

I waited.

He asked me to come see his latest show.

I balked.

Didn't say anything for a while.

I didn't want to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to see his work, I don't want to support him, I don't want to deal with his actor friends, pretend to be interested in theater when in fact I am not.

I, however, reluctantly agreed to go. Then started thinking it might be a good thing, I could doll myself up and remind him he left this, he chose to leave, too bad for him, and I would be doing a good deed while also looking attractive and vaguely bored.

Then The New Guy said, Are you sure you want to wait until Saturday morning to visit me? Why don't you come on Friday after work?

And then I was torn. Torn between these two men again. Torn somewhere between loyalty and my own self respect. I'm literally doing the same thing I did two years ago: I'm choosing between them. All over again.

So to remedy the situation, I lied.

I told The Ex I had to work last minute, that it was beyond my control.

Because what the hell do I owe him?