An affair to remember

I don't have his real name saved in my phone. I got a new phone after our End and couldn't bear to see his name in my phone and so I gave him a nickname, a small thing I used to call him.

But now it feels even more clandestine. I can't tell my friends, I can't have his name on my phone. Every time someone asks me what I've been up to recently all I can think to say is, Having incredible sex with the man who ruined my life. It's shameful. I can't tell anyone.

I'm having some sort of affair with my ex-boyfriend. The man I lived with a thousand miles from here is now back in my bed, and we're having a great time pretending like we didn't have real problems back in that Windy City, he told me I love you and I said Why can't we make ourselves happy so that we can be happy together?

We're not getting back together (partly due to self respect) but we're something. We're dancing around something.