The New Normal

I'm not constantly thinking about him. That has subsided. But any mention of him, any thought of him, it all still feels so tender, so breakable. I'm living without him but I'm so broken, I'm so scared of dating that I'm now spending all my time on craft projects and exercise and that's what I'm supposed to do, right? I'm filling my time with satisfying, healthy activities, but it just feels like its taking forever to feel better.

Since that day I have reminded myself that I've gotten over every other ex, that I could care less about all the other exes now, that eventually he will be lumped in with The Rest, but now I'm not so sure. I know I'm making good decisions and living the kind of life I want, but I'm just not sure that I am at all the same now. I am a better version of myself, a braver version, a more aware one.

But I can't imagine falling in love with someone else because I'm still in love with him. All this time. I know it's not right. I like my life a whole lot more than I did before. But it doesn't change the fact that after all this time and all this personal growth, I fear I'm still in love with him.